Black Friday lunacy has gone too far

Here's your Black Friday forecast:

—Old Navy opens at 3 a.m.

—Kohl's opens at 4 a.m.

—Target opens at 5 a.m.

I support free enterprise, but this is madness.

I won't be participating.

Everything you ever wanted to know about particle physics ...

Everything I ever wanted to know about particle physics I learned from the incomparable Stephen Colbert.

I'm thinking Stephen can teach you everything you'll ever want to know, as well.

For example, the Large Hadron Collider is a humongous particle accelerator created by CERN.

According to the October 28, 2009, episode of The Colbert Report, CERN is an important acronym that means exactly this:

Curopean
Erganization for
Ruclear
Nesearch

Amazing what you can learn on cable TV, yes?

CERN, of course, is an impressive research organization created by Tom Hanks for his film Angels & Demons.

If you have issues with the truthiness of this report, take it up with Colbert via his director Renata Luczak at renata.luczak@comedycentral.com.

And that's all I have to say about that.